Capturing my Child

Y’all – my boy is 2. He’s actually like 2 and 1/2, not that I’m counting. I’m counting actually because there’s something so, so sweet about the present life we live. It’s tiring and it’s trying and it’s completely too much (in every way possible), but it’s perfect you guys. They tell you all sorts of cliche things when you’re about to pop your first one out and it’s all true, but it’s all largely insufficient to describe the love you feel and the desire, deep in your gut, to create the best round of life possible for this additional human that springs into your life and suddenly completely redefines it.

So when I was at Target the other day I spotted this journal – and the fact that the cover – in gold letters reads “Don’t Let Them Tame You” with a leopard print on the side, completely sealed the deal. I’ve been wanting to get a journal for a quick second now because I’ve seriously got to capture this time in our life and the words that come out of this child’s mouth.

Journaling_With_Children

Because I never want to forget how we can hear him officiating basketball games from his crib as he falls asleep (foul, up high, basketball!!), or how the first thing we can hear him say as he’s mumbling to himself in bed in the early morning is basketball with a question in his tone (can we go play basketball?), or how he’ll randomly come up to us and give us a big squeeze and say I love you before he walks away, or how he imitates Mickey Mouse saying “Oh Boy!”, or how he can talk about airplanes for hours, how he laughs and loves to be in on the jokes, and how he wants so badly to be able to do everything the grown ups do.

Because I can’t believe that this boy…

Baby_Seat

Let alone THIS boy.

North Carolina Baby Photography

Has overnight turned into this boy…

Thrifty_Living_Blog

Never let them tame you, my sweet, smart boy! You’re perfect just the way you are.

What do y’all do to keep the memories for your kiddos? I’m new to this whole parenthood thing … would love ideas on capturing the essence of their little whipper snapper of a toddler soul!

 

No Other Babe Will Do

See, I thought I’d be this poised, confident, ready to take on the world pregnant woman. I thought that I wouldn’t worry, that I’d be certainĀ in my ability to bring this boy into this world, in my body’s ability to carry him and my heart’s ability to provide space for him. But, quite frankly, I’m not. I’m scared. That I can’t do it, that my body will fail me, that I won’t be here for this baby from the first second he needs me. It scares me to the brink sometimes, just takes it all from me and shakes me to my core.

I thought I would be confident and brazen and ready, but I do worry. During my anatomy scan the Dr’s measured my cervix and found it was 3.2 cm – for the record – that’s totally normal. Anything between 3-5 cm, is totally normal. But I saw that low end of normal number and ever since then I’ve just been so damn worried that my body is going to fail this boy. That I’m somehow just not going to be able to get him to the entrance gate of this beautiful, wonderful life. A life I want so badly to share with him. A life I now, can’t picture without him.

Be Brave

Source

I count down the weeks now until viability, when he’ll be able to make it outside of me if my cervix fails and he joins the party early. I know it’s probably irrational, but damn, do I feel it. If I have a night with more Braxton Hicks than normal, I totally freak. This is it, I think. You’re going into labor and baby boy won’t make it. All because your body couldn’t hold out a few more weeks.

So I worry, and I cling to hope and I create irrational dialogues in my head. Because, so badly, I want to be enough for this little boy. I want to be the mother he needs, I want my body to provide for him. I want him to come into our home and be happy and healthy. My heart has so much space for him, more than I think I know what to do with. I just need him here with us. I just need a happy, healthy baby home and here with us.

courage

Source

See the thing is, I know as this pregnancy progresses, that I more or less need to get used to the worry. The love you feel built up, the fierce love and deepest desire to protect this human – is so incredibly real. I know after he’s here that I’ll worry too. But God, is it a vulnerable love, and that vulnerability can just shake you sometimes. So as I inch toward the 3rd trimester (still 6-weeks away) – could I ask of all of you to send me some good vibes. I’m new to this mama thing and need all the extra strength I can get.

You Got This

Source

Baby Sell’s a ….

BOY! Mama intuition on this one – I’ve been pretty sure for a while it’s a boy šŸ™‚

SELL_MARY_1

We’ve always known that we would name our little guy Henry if we had a boy. We thought about lots of other names, but in the end,Ā I knew in my heart that this was the name. It’s a strong name and he’ll carry with him the legacy of a very good, humble, and gentle man.

When I was still a kid, my Grandfather passed away. I was little, but I knew what love looked like – I knew what it felt like. It felt like being safe, and happy and content. Like a tight, warm hug and a promise that we’ll see each other again soon. It smelledĀ like coffee and buttered toastĀ in the morning. It sounded like familiar voices talking at a kitchen table, and children laughing as they grabbed onto a cousin’s hand and headed toward the zoo. Some of the happiest memories of my life centered around my Grandparent’s little bungalow in Wisconsin. So much love filled up those walls.

As I grew, my Grandma became one of the most important people in my life. We watched as this amazingly strong women faced hardship with laughter, and taught us all that even in the face of immeasurable loss – there is still so much living left to do. She’s funny and kind, faithful and open hearted. Jay and I wanted so much to recognizeĀ her and my Grandpa and the wonderful legacy they’ve created. So our baby boy will be named after my Grandpa; in honor of him, in honor of their family and in honor of their love.

Henry Everett Sell

SELL_MARY_5

My hope for my little guy is that he always realizes how much living there is to do in this beautiful world. Embrace it little baby, take life by your hands and just embrace this bittersweet, beautiful world.

A song that always got me … for my little guy. Seemed fitting since we announced the name today. We love you so much nugget – we can’t wait to meet you soon!

Like the pine trees lining the winding road
I got a name, I got a name
Like the singing bird and the croaking toad
I got a name, I got a name
And I carry it with me like my daddy did
But I’m living the dream that he kept hid

Like the north wind whistling down the sky
I’ve got a song, I’ve got a song
Like the whippoorwill and the baby’s cry
I’ve got a song, I’ve got a song
And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I go there proud

Moving me down the highway
Rolling me down the highway
Moving ahead so life won’t pass me by

And I’m gonna go there free

Like the fool I am and I’ll always be
I’ve got a dream, I’ve got a dream
They can change their minds but they can’t change me
I’ve got a dream, I’ve got a dream
Well, I know I can share it if you want me to
If you’re going my way, I’ll go with you

Moving me down the highway
Rolling me down the highway
Moving ahead so life won’t pass me by

Dirty Diaper Duty

Before I got pregnant, I always thought that I’d cloth diaper my babes. We try to be a little greenie household, from our one car policy to our urban living footprint, we’ve always had mother earth as part of our equation when we make our big decisions in life.

But y’all, maybe it’s the fact that I am still firmly planted in my first trimester and I have all sorts of aversions, but cloth diapering is sounding less and less appealing.

Since I know lots of my readers have done the whole mamma thing before, I’m curious if you guys have insight into the whole shabang. Even if you haven’t had kids – I’m curious, do you lean toward one option or the other? If you’re all like – ummm – that’s why I’m NOT having kids, I totally get that, too! šŸ˜‰ lol

Cloth vs. Disposable Diapers

Here’s the list I’ve formulated so far:

Cloth Diapers

PROS:

  1. Eco-Friendly
  2. Cheaper (after the initial investment)
  3. Cuter (IMO)
  4. Possibility of being able to use for future monkeys
  5. Softer for the babies bum
  6. Not disposable

CONS:

  1. Poop in yo face (the whole cleaning component)
  2. Less convenient
  3. Lots of laundry

Disposable Diapers

PROS:

  1. Easier
  2. Daycare … it might be tricky to find one that would mess w/ cloth
  3. Less poop in yo face

CONS:

  1. More expensive
  2. Premium for eco-friendly options (and really, when you’re tossing it into a landfill, what does that mean anyway)
  3. Tons of trash – quite wasteful

So – any thoughts? Speak to me, bestow your knowledge!