No Other Babe Will Do

See, I thought I’d be this poised, confident, ready to take on the world pregnant woman. I thought that I wouldn’t worry, that I’d be certain in my ability to bring this boy into this world, in my body’s ability to carry him and my heart’s ability to provide space for him. But, quite frankly, I’m not. I’m scared. That I can’t do it, that my body will fail me, that I won’t be here for this baby from the first second he needs me. It scares me to the brink sometimes, just takes it all from me and shakes me to my core.

I thought I would be confident and brazen and ready, but I do worry. During my anatomy scan the Dr’s measured my cervix and found it was 3.2 cm – for the record – that’s totally normal. Anything between 3-5 cm, is totally normal. But I saw that low end of normal number and ever since then I’ve just been so damn worried that my body is going to fail this boy. That I’m somehow just not going to be able to get him to the entrance gate of this beautiful, wonderful life. A life I want so badly to share with him. A life I now, can’t picture without him.

Be Brave

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I count down the weeks now until viability, when he’ll be able to make it outside of me if my cervix fails and he joins the party early. I know it’s probably irrational, but damn, do I feel it. If I have a night with more Braxton Hicks than normal, I totally freak. This is it, I think. You’re going into labor and baby boy won’t make it. All because your body couldn’t hold out a few more weeks.

So I worry, and I cling to hope and I create irrational dialogues in my head. Because, so badly, I want to be enough for this little boy. I want to be the mother he needs, I want my body to provide for him. I want him to come into our home and be happy and healthy. My heart has so much space for him, more than I think I know what to do with. I just need him here with us. I just need a happy, healthy baby home and here with us.

courage

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See the thing is, I know as this pregnancy progresses, that I more or less need to get used to the worry. The love you feel built up, the fierce love and deepest desire to protect this human – is so incredibly real. I know after he’s here that I’ll worry too. But God, is it a vulnerable love, and that vulnerability can just shake you sometimes. So as I inch toward the 3rd trimester (still 6-weeks away) – could I ask of all of you to send me some good vibes. I’m new to this mama thing and need all the extra strength I can get.

You Got This

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The Stars to Guide You

Oh man, y’all, I’m on a baby kick this week. 😀 Even though this little man is still 20-weeks away from his grand entrance, I’ve finally gotten some energy back and it’s baby room planning time!

So a few months back, I showed y’all this rendition of the room. And although I liked a lot of things about this space, in the end, I landed up tweaking the board a bit and coming up with this little space, fit for a little tike.

Baby Sell Board

Noticing a subtle theme throughout the room? My mister has got a soft spot for the solar system up above, get that man going on constellations, and good luck getting him to stop. Well I came across some vintage constellation prints online that have become the theme of the room, more or less, and let’s just say I’m pretty smitten. 🙂

Right now, I’m trying to find a chandy on craigslist that has similar lines to the one below that I can spray paint. Cross your fingers I find one, cause this girl just ain’t going to spend $1,100 on a light for the little’s room 😀 I think I might have found a potential online option to hack too, for WAY less – stay tuned 😉

High Street Market Chandelier

We’re all stocked up on frames from our trip to IKEA, so I’m hoping to get the artwork up later this week. We’ll see if this burst of energy sticks around that long 😉

Chandy Candy

Seriously, is there anything more chic than a chandelier? I mean, a pulling out all the stops, stop in your tracks and look at me chandelier.

Even though I know little Henry is most definitely a boy, I’m totally playing the “I’m the Mom” card and beautifying his nursery with some feminine touches 😀 I mean, it’s the age of the gender neutral baby, right? Sorry kid, no tonka truck borders in this room 😉

Which leads me to a chandelier I’ve been obsessing over. OBSESSING. This beauty is way the heck out of my price range, but my love for it goes to the bottom of the ocean and back. Doesn’t it just remind you of a fancy pantsy pair of chic earrings?

Favorite Chandelier

 

Chandelier // Earrings

I mean, of course, of course this chandelier is over $1,100. So, long story short, if I want it, or anything like it, to grace the halls of chateau de Sell anytime soon – it will have to be a DIY effort. Bummer dude.

But you better bet my wheels are already turning on how to get a look for less version rocking in this joint. Think this ceiling mount, and a craigslist chandelier spray painted go to along?

In the mean time, here are a few of my favorite chandy finds while on the hunt to light up our life a little more in the room of our little tot.

Best Brass Chandeliers

Eastview // Reina // Sofia // Elk Lighting // Ramona // Feiss

During my hunt for the perfect chandelier, I found a pretty stellar look for less, as well. I know I can’t be the only one obsessed with the Thomas O’Brien chandelier from Visual Comfort, right? Well check out this nearly identical one I found for $199!

Look for Less

 

Baby Sell’s a ….

BOY! Mama intuition on this one – I’ve been pretty sure for a while it’s a boy 🙂

SELL_MARY_1

We’ve always known that we would name our little guy Henry if we had a boy. We thought about lots of other names, but in the end, I knew in my heart that this was the name. It’s a strong name and he’ll carry with him the legacy of a very good, humble, and gentle man.

When I was still a kid, my Grandfather passed away. I was little, but I knew what love looked like – I knew what it felt like. It felt like being safe, and happy and content. Like a tight, warm hug and a promise that we’ll see each other again soon. It smelled like coffee and buttered toast in the morning. It sounded like familiar voices talking at a kitchen table, and children laughing as they grabbed onto a cousin’s hand and headed toward the zoo. Some of the happiest memories of my life centered around my Grandparent’s little bungalow in Wisconsin. So much love filled up those walls.

As I grew, my Grandma became one of the most important people in my life. We watched as this amazingly strong women faced hardship with laughter, and taught us all that even in the face of immeasurable loss – there is still so much living left to do. She’s funny and kind, faithful and open hearted. Jay and I wanted so much to recognize her and my Grandpa and the wonderful legacy they’ve created. So our baby boy will be named after my Grandpa; in honor of him, in honor of their family and in honor of their love.

Henry Everett Sell

SELL_MARY_5

My hope for my little guy is that he always realizes how much living there is to do in this beautiful world. Embrace it little baby, take life by your hands and just embrace this bittersweet, beautiful world.

A song that always got me … for my little guy. Seemed fitting since we announced the name today. We love you so much nugget – we can’t wait to meet you soon!

Like the pine trees lining the winding road
I got a name, I got a name
Like the singing bird and the croaking toad
I got a name, I got a name
And I carry it with me like my daddy did
But I’m living the dream that he kept hid

Like the north wind whistling down the sky
I’ve got a song, I’ve got a song
Like the whippoorwill and the baby’s cry
I’ve got a song, I’ve got a song
And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I go there proud

Moving me down the highway
Rolling me down the highway
Moving ahead so life won’t pass me by

And I’m gonna go there free

Like the fool I am and I’ll always be
I’ve got a dream, I’ve got a dream
They can change their minds but they can’t change me
I’ve got a dream, I’ve got a dream
Well, I know I can share it if you want me to
If you’re going my way, I’ll go with you

Moving me down the highway
Rolling me down the highway
Moving ahead so life won’t pass me by